Empathy vs. Panic: How anxiety can play a role in how you grieve.

I will spend my day today in prayer. I will love on my kids, my husband, and show kindness to anyone I come into contact with. I will not share the gory photos. I will not share the gory videos. I will not go to my usual place of panic and fear. I will not allow myself to feel the churning in my stomach of “Who’s next???” I will not lie awake tonight (hopefully) with terror in my heart, and hopelessness washing over me like a 30 foot wave, rendering me me useless to my family. I don’t know what tomorrow may bring, but right now, this is where I am at. My heart is hurting for Las Vegas.

I don’t choose these actions because I do not feel, or do not care. It is quite the opposite. I. Am. Just. Tired. Do you know what it feels like to battle anxiety for 32 years? I am 37, but it started when I was around five. Maybe it was witnessing the Challenger tragedy. Maybe it is in my blood, because my 5 year old now shows signs of panic at loud noises, booms, airplanes, and thunder. That hurts as a mom–seeing your child slowly start to realize that the world can kind of be a scary place…but I digress for now… 

For years I have fought this battle. I am able to manage it pretty well now via a supplement I started a little over a year ago, but every time I make the mistake of scanning the FB “trending” feed, my heart skips a beat, then drops into my stomach. I can’t bear it anymore, so I just stopped looking. But now, today, it can’t be ignored. And while I know it is selfish to even think those words–let alone say them–I know that I have to keep emotionally level for my children. I have to be 100%. I no longer have energy for the round-the-clock fear of what is next. “What about my children?” “What will happen tomorrow?” “Will there even BE a tomorrow?” Scroll your feed for heartbreaking story after heartbreaking story if you like. Scroll for gore and violence. Share it to your page if you want. I am sure there are hundreds of videos of “The moment that it happened!” but personally, I am tired. I am weak from the sadness of it all, and if you are like me–very empathetic, and very prone to anxiety–you immediately put YOURSELF at that outdoor arena. You put your CHILDREN there, you put your LOVED ONES there, hurting, bleeding…dead. And they never leave. The mental images don’t go away, so you are stuck in a mental state of sadness and terror for yourself and those around you when you weren’t even there. Your mind is trapped in time. It is hard for people with anxiety to separate sadness and empathy from panic and hopelessness. The two go hand in hand for us, so sometimes we have to distance ourselves from it all in order to function and care for ourselves and those that we love. We have to shut it all out, turn off our devices, hug on our babies…and just LIVE. Someone has to make breakfast. Someone has to teach them. Someone has to kiss boo boos, read stories, play with them, and smile with them because they don’t know what the world is like…yet…And maybe they will be the ones to change it someday.

Babygirl naps, oblivious to the tragedy unfolding. Bless her.

We are not being insensitive. We are still praying, but some of us are just so, so tired. So, if you see silly posts from me today, or things that are completely unrelated, or seemingly unimportant, please remember that my heart is with Las Vegas too, but sometimes I need to put on my emotional oxygen mask in situations like this. I cant’ be 5 years old. I can’t be too afraid to breathe.

I will leave you with one of my most favorite (albiet “easier-said-than-done”) Bible verses: 

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Be blessed today friends, and be kind. β€

Question: Are you telling your kids about today’s events? If so, how? Please share in the comments. This is a place of non-judgement either way.

(For more info on what I use to manage my anxiety, visit my main website, click on “Shop” then “Lifestyle” and you can read up on the Confianza supplement. πŸ’š)


Keto Sausage McMuffins!

Oh yes, such a thing exists. It is real…and it is spectacular. πŸ‘€

If you love McDonald’s, are lazy, and are also looking to add a bit of keto-rifficness into your life, ladies and gentleman, you have come to the right place!

(Laziness goals right here. ⬆)

Lemme break it down for your real quick. Um…I hate dishes, as you can see by all the disposable utensils. πŸ˜‚ So much, in fact, that I legit used ZERO dishes while making this amazing concoction of fat and protein. 

Ingredients: Frozen sausage patties, sliced sharp cheddar cheese (I like the fancy deli-sliced kind) and eggs. πŸ‘

Do you have a toaster oven??? SWEET! Pop 2 frozen sausages into that bad boy and set it for 15 min. Right on the rack. BAM. (But make sure you have the draining pan in there though, otherwise you will have so many potential fire issues that I just can’t even EVEN.) ⬇This is my favorite brand btw.  They are super yummy, pre-portioned, and of course they keep for awhile! They really are “Goo-od!”

(I have no doubt that the guy on the box made these sausages guys. You can’t look like that and not make good country sausage. He looks like he has 8 bloodhounds living underneath his front porch named “Duke,” “Duke Jr,” “Duke Sr,” “Jackhammer,” “Ole’ Frankie,” “Lightening,” “Sir Snottingham” and “Buzz.” Y’ALL. Buy this sausage!!! πŸ–πŸ˜πŸ–)

Okay, so you got your sausages going. Awesome you are amazing. Okay yay. NEXT! Since you are all about not dirtying up dishes, pop you some eggs into your regular oven. On the rack. (YASSSS!) Set it at 325 for 30 min. What did I say? I am a frickin genius! 

(No one is being extra, Boo. Everyone does this after creating a spectacular eggs & sausage meal. πŸ™„β˜•)

Okay so when everything is done, slice your eggs in half, throw on some cheese, and spear that sucker straight through the middle with a toothpick (or you can be ratchet like me and use disposable plastic knives. πŸ‘πŸ™„) Because let me tell you, it WON’T stay together without it, so…just saying. 

Anywhooo, this was SO delish and protein rich. Perfect if you are wanting a low-carb or keto breakfast. Hungry yet? 😍

(For some amazing Keto Coffee, as well as dozens of other supplements to keep you looking and feeling your best, visit my main website! πŸ’š)

Autism and my “Tick Tock” moments.

 So those of you that know me well know that I am an avid teen sci-fi fan. I love Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and most recently I have gotten addicted to the Hunger Games series. I was surfing channels not too long ago,  when I saw that “Catching Fire” was on. Of course, I dropped everything and very quickly became engrossed in it without even having seen the original movie. So, a ways through the movie, the main characters (Katniss of course and her crew of tributes) were deep within the challenges of her newest mission when one of the characters that had previously been introduced named Wiress ended up playing a very huge role in the outcome of this adventure. But first, a little backstory on our friend Wiress. Introduced earlier in the movie as a part of a duo nicknamed “Nuts and Bolts” (Bolts being a tech-savvy genius) Wiress was known as ‘Nuts’ because of her quiet, misunderstood nature, and later we find, a tendency to ramble on, talking ‘nonsense.’ Does this sound like anyone you know? It was evident from the beginning that Wiress was special, but it was not until this pivotal scene that I realized HOW special. So, fast forward to this challenge. I will try not to give away anything for those that are still working on the movies and books, but in the scene, she keeps frantically saying “Tick tock! Tick tock! Tick tock!” over and over again. It was annoying most of the others involved in this challenge, and at one point another character, frustrated with her constant repetition of “tick tock”, finally yelled at her saying something rude, and walked off in a huff–convinced her rambling was a waste of everyone’s time. Our brave heroin Katniss however was more patient with Wiress and in a few moments was able to decipher her “code” for what turned out to be potentially life-saving information that the entire group definitely needed to know. It really struck home for me when she smiled up at Katniss, so happy that she had finally been understood. I have seen that same smile on my 8-year-old son who is autistic many times. This scene was very emotional for me, and very touching.  Was this done on purpose? Is the character of Wiress meant to be identified as autistic? I have not read the books, and perhaps this is known well by hardcore fans, but to me having seen it for the first time, it was very thought provoking. The thing that people do not realize about autism is that our children ARE talking to us.  Daily. They are in fact communicating with us–constantly. Our task however is to find their FREQUENCY. I am constantly amazed at the way I am training my brain to work in order to decipher the “clues” that my son is giving to me as he is striving to get a message through to me. It is like twisting my mind and turning it upside down and inside out in order to see what he sees. If he keeps saying “Train train train” over and over again, most people will hear that he wants to see a train or ride on one, but after much careful though it dawns on me that our dishwasher sounds like a train to him, and that he wants to help me put dishes in so that he can turn it on and hear the sound of it. So many moments and messages get lost in the pursuit of finding what is “normal.” Again, our children ARE speaking to us, we just have to learn how to listen properly. Given this new perspective on autism and how those with it communicate, I really had to ask myself… Are we not the ones that are actually ‘slow?’ Just some food for thought. 


Have you had any “Tick Tock” moments with your special needs child? Please share!